I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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