i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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