someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I forget how to act sober
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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