when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
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Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
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nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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