Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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