My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
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If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
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I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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