whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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