I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
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