the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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