My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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