Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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