Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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