I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize