i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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