Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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