stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize