There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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