proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
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I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
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He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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