cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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