Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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