She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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