im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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