I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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