yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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