yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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