i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
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Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
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if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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