I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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