I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
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i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
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I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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