i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
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Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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