Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
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I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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