I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
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Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
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I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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