I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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