Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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