i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
They have beer where we have blood.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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