Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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