I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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