I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
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His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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