I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
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He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
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Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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