Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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