dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize