Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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