so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
this will be a night to untag.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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