I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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