Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize