If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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