i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
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if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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