I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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