there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
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I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
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You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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