Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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