so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
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they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
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I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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